Bullying has become an increasingly challenging issue in today’s society. While it is easy to assume it exists only in certain environments, the reality is that it often happens right under our noses—in schools, on playgrounds, in sports settings, and even within our own communities.
As parents, guardians, teachers, and coaches, it is important to understand not only what bullying is, but also the impact it has on children and what we can do to prevent it.
What Is Bullying?
A bully is typically defined as someone who seeks to harm, intimidate, or coerce another person perceived as vulnerable. Bullying can take many forms—hurtful teasing, repeated name-calling, exclusion, threats, or physical intimidation.
A key element in bullying is a perceived imbalance of power—whether physical, social, or emotional—between the aggressor and the child being targeted.
Bullying often begins at a young age. A child’s appearance, abilities, background, hobbies, or even small personal differences can become targets. And when a child tries to stand up for themselves, the behavior may sometimes intensify.
Why Is Bullying So Harmful?
Bullying is not just about physical harm—it can leave deep emotional and psychological scars.
Children who are repeatedly targeted often begin to internalize the negativity directed at them. Over time, this can lead to:
Low self-esteem and reduced confidence
Anger and frustration affecting relationships and academics
Anxiety, depression, sleep disturbances, and appetite changes
Emotional withdrawal and loss of trust
In some cases, a cycle of aggression
In my work, I have seen cheerful and confident children become withdrawn and anxious after repeated bullying. It takes consistent support from parents and professionals to help rebuild their confidence and self-belief. Sometimes even when children recover, the emotional impact can linger.
Understanding the Child Who Bullies
To address bullying effectively, we also need to understand the children who engage in it.
Many children who bully are dealing with unresolved emotions. Some may have experienced similar behavior themselves or may be growing up in environments where control, ridicule, or aggression are normalized. Others may lack the emotional tools to handle rejection, frustration, or disappointment.
Bullying can give a child a sense of power—especially when it is reinforced by peer approval or group dynamics.
In some cases, children may deny their behavior, minimize it as “just a joke,” or shift blame onto the child being targeted. This pattern is often referred to as DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender). When this happens repeatedly, it becomes even harder for the child being targeted to speak up, as they may fear not being believed or may be portrayed as the problem instead.
If left unaddressed, these patterns can carry into adulthood and affect relationships and emotional regulation in serious ways. Early intervention is essential.
Why Don’t We Talk About It Enough?
Despite how common bullying is, it often goes unspoken.
Children who are targeted may feel ashamed, confused, or afraid of being labeled weak. If they speak up, they may be mocked further, excluded, or labeled as “complainers.” In some cases, false narratives are even created to isolate them further.
Sometimes bullying hides behind laughter. A child may be repeatedly insulted, excluded, or humiliated, and when they react, the response is often, “It was just a joke.” Because others may laugh along, the child being targeted can begin to question their own experience and feel even less able to ask for help.
Children also live in the moment. They may forget the exact sequence of events by the time they reach home—but they carry the emotional impact. The incident may fade, but the feeling remains.
Bullying is also overlooked because:
aggressive behavior is sometimes mistaken for confidence
some parents find it difficult to accept that their child may be causing harm
adults may dismiss it as “kids being kids”
there is a belief that children should resolve these issues themselves
Why Adult Intervention Matters
We often tell children to “stand up for themselves,” but in group dynamics, that is far easier said than done—even for adults.
Another common belief is that children should “figure it out themselves.” But if that approach were enough, adults would not need systems of accountability, laws, or protection. Children need boundaries, guidance, and support while they are still developing emotionally and socially.
And when bullying happens, we must recognize that the child being targeted is not really “too sensitive.” They are just responding to a real emotional injury. That response is not a personality verdict; it is a human response to repeated hurt, humiliation, exclusion, or fear.
We do not need to hover—but we do need to stay aware, involved, and willing to step in. Healthy disagreements can often be worked through independently. Repeated, targeted bullying cannot.
Practical Strategies for Parents of Children Being Targeted
If your child is being targeted, here are some ways to support them:
1. Teach assertive responses
Help them express boundaries calmly and clearly:
“That’s not okay.”
“That was rude.”
“I don’t agree with that.”
“Does hurting someone make you happy?”
“Why would you say that?”
“Stop.”
Role-playing these situations can help children feel more confident and prepared.
2. Be their advocate
Make sure your child knows they can come to you without fear, shame, or dismissal. Children need to know that asking for help is not weakness.
3. Create safe spaces
Ensure your child has environments where they feel secure and valued—whether that is through friendships, activities, supportive adults, or safe community spaces.
4. Build emotional resilience
Reinforce that bullying is not a reflection of your child’s worth. Help them stay rooted in their strengths, identity, and sense of self.
5. Teach them to protect their safety
Children should know that it is okay to walk away from toxic people and unsafe situations. Walking away is not cowardice; it is wisdom.
Guiding Children Who Bully
If your child is intimidating or bullying others, it is important to intervene early and thoughtfully. The goal is not only to stop the behavior in the moment, but to help the child develop empathy, accountability, and healthier ways of relating to others.
1. Do not respond with hitting, yelling, or harsh punishment
These responses can reinforce aggression or make the child more secretive or defiant. Calm, firm intervention is more effective.
2. Ask for accountability
Help the child clearly understand:
What they did
Why it was hurtful
What impact it had
How they can repair it
3. Teach empathy explicitly
Help them imagine the other child’s experience:
e.g. “How would you feel if this happened to you?”
4. Insist on a genuine apology
A meaningful apology should reflect understanding, not just compliance.
5. Set clear consequences
If the behavior continues, consequences should be consistent and connected to the action.
For example:
“If you mock someone again during the game, you will step out for the day. If it continues, you will take a longer break until you can show respectful behavior.”
6. Model respectful behavior
Children learn more from what they see than what they are told.
7. Seek support if needed
If the pattern continues, professional guidance can help address deeper issues.
A Collective Responsibility
Bullying does not shape only a moment, it shapes a child’s sense of safety, identity, and belonging. The adults around children help decide whether those experiences become silent wounds or opportunities for protection, repair, and growth. If we want kinder, safer environments for children, we cannot leave that to chance. We have to notice, name, and address harmful behavior early and teach our children that dignity, empathy, and respect are not optional.
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